COLORADO SPRINGS—U.S. Rep. Doug Lamborn, R-Colo., forcefully called Thursday for the expulsion of all Dippin’ Dots ice cream from the United States, calling them “a commie threat from the future.”
Speaking outside a Dairy Queen, Lamborn said the futuristic ice cream balls were the greatest threat to American civilization since the great gelato migration of the early 1980s.
“I mean, what the shit is this shit?” Lamborn said, holding up a cup of Dippin’ Dots acquired from a nearby minor league baseball game. “It might come in different flavors, but all of them are red.” Lamborn then ate an entire Peanut Buster Parfait in less than 30 seconds while crying and singing “God Bless America.”
By: Nick Tarine